The 42nd Kingdom

The 42nd Kingdom

One Learning Case Study and Garrett Dempsey will be out of my over-social worked hair for good! Oh, I'd almost forgotten the impending, sweet taste of client termination...

Also, my VCU application is in the mail. Please pray for its swift delivery and my smooth acceptance. Channel the power of the Social Work Rams :)

( 4:31 PM ) Meghan

"I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away…away from me
It’s all right…You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me."

--Five for Fighting, Superman

After a long day of perceived crisis, emotional confusion, and eventual enlightenment, I am doing my practicum with my original placement. Thanks, Greg, for helping me realize where I can grow. Maybe that's what will make me a real hero.

( 8:38 PM ) Meghan

I had a great week at home...so nice to not be bothered with work for awhile. Actually, I guess that's been every week around here. Never mind.

I got to see the family, Rob, and Cindy. Lots of great fun, especially discovering that Cindy and I were obviously destined to meet one another ;) And I am very thankful that I got a chance to sit back and reflect on just how much I have for which to be thankful.

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas,
With all our projects due.
There's only three weeks of class.
We're praying we all will pass,
So that our tuition's worth the while.

It's begining to look alot like Christmas.
Papers on the floor.
Books finally being read,
Just as our professors said,
And our brains are sore.

Law school admissions and grad school decision's the hopes of Meg and Justinne.
DIA for Jason and all "A"s for Andrew are wishes they'll like to have seen.
And all of us can hardly wait for letters from the Dean.

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas.
Soon the crunch will come.
But that thing that will keep us sane
Is the knowledge that remains
It will soon be done.

( 8:02 PM ) Meghan

I have a car now. Does that not have the most wonderful ring to it? What was that? You want me to say it again because it was just too beautiful a sound? Okay, I'm done :)

The Honda's title is now in my name and I'm very proud that I managed to brave the drive back to JMU all by myself for the first time. I know...I'm sure it doesn't sound like much of an accomplishment to you more seasoned drivers, but that's only because I'm going through now what I should have gone through at 16. Empowerment is mine.

I'm also glad that my license plates are of a good letter/number combination. I thought about vanity plates, but decided I would wait on that until I'm a rich and famous social worker. So for now, I'll settle with YDG for my letters. Acceptable interpretations for this include "You dig?" and "Yeah, dog!"

The drive home was interesting. I listened to the radio the whole way and the musical selections seemed oddly appropriate. My "Back to JMU" soundtrack included such songs as "The End of the Innocence" and "Kyrie Eleison." The lyrics of the latter include the phrase "Christ have mercy down the road that I must travel." It's a comfort to know that Someone is watching over my highways.

( 6:14 PM ) Meghan

It's opening day for Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. The critique? Two thumbs up! Fine holiday fun. And bloody wicked...

( 11:09 PM ) Meghan

Now what have I to do tonight? A process recording for Mezzo--not too trying. A paper on treatment for perpetrators of child abuse--could be worse. But what I really look forward to is the mental preparation for interviewing everyone's favorite social work client--Garrett Dempsey (insert comical theme music here).

( 6:34 PM ) Meghan

So, as usual I have gone and blown things completely out of proportion. I think I'm ready to put the "F" in my personality type up for sale...it's becoming my mental dominatrix. But contrary to the belief of some, I do enjoy talking to my friends about their problems. It's not depressing at all. It reminds me of what I was put here to do. What's depressing is when I think that I've failed at it. That day is not today.

( 1:07 PM ) Meghan

I just can't seem to do anything right these days...I can't even be there for my friends when they need me. And I'm supposed to be good at that. And here I am just sitting and feeling sorry for myself, as has been my pattern of late. Sigh...

( 8:57 AM ) Meghan

In Memoriam:

Andrew Benedict McCoy
October 24, 1979 - November 14, 1999

Thanks for everything, Andy.

( 10:52 AM ) Meghan

Happy birthday, Mama :)

( 7:56 PM ) Meghan

Thanks to Justin for his two cents on my feminism rant! I would like to clarify, however, that I never said feminism was sexist. I said that using the term "feminism" was sexist and I believe that there is a distinct difference. I feel that if the genders are to treat one another equally, they must hold a mindset of equality to set themselves on the path to the goal. Also, I do think that it is possible for women to discriminate. By definition, discrimination is "to make distinctions on the basis of class or category without regard to individual merit; to show preference or prejudice." Women can certainly do this individually in formal or informal settings when interacting with men if women hold the weight with the power differential. There are several individual women who have the power over individual men without question. And if they treat men by the combination of their chromosomes and not the content of their character, I would certainly call that discrimination. It is not frequent, but it is possible. I will concede, however, that women can never oppress as they simply do not have a strength in powerful numbers at this point in time. On a personal note, I am doubtful that full equality will come sooner, rather than later. I know not one woman who is in favor of the female draft.

Three cheers for intelligent ranting!

( 7:19 PM ) Meghan

"Each day I live,
I want to be,
A day to give,
The best of me.

I'm only one,
But not alone,
My finest day,
Is yet unknown.

I broke my heart,
Fought every gain,
To taste the sweet,
I face the pain.

I rise and fall,
Yet through it all,
This much remains.

I want one moment in time,
When I'm more than I thought I could be.
Then all of my dreams are a heartbeat away,
And the answers are all up to me.

Give me one moment in time,
When I'm racing with destiny,
Then in that one moment of time,
I will feel,
I will feel eternity.

I've lived to be,
The very best.
I want it all,
No time for less.

I've laid the plans,
Now lay the chance,
Here in my hands.

Give me one moment in time,
When I'm more than I thought I could be.
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away,
And the answers are all up to me.

Give me one moment in time,
When I'm racing with destiny.
Then in that one moment of time,
I will feel,
I will feel eternity.

You're a winner for a lifetime,
If you seize that one moment in time,
Make it shine.

Give me one moment in time,
When I'm more than I thought I could be,
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away,
And the answers are all up to me.

Give me one moment in time,
When I'm racing with destiny.
Then in that one moment of time,
I will be,
I will be,

I will be free.
I will be free."

--Whitney Houston, One Moment in Time

( 1:55 AM ) Meghan

Interesting...ranting about feminist semantics has undoubtedly been the high point of my week. The rest of it will be stored in the archives of things I never want to remember again. There are many things I don't understand...about me, I suppose. For years, I have all but ripped my own skin off so that I would avoid being non-judgmental to people. And still, I guess that isn't good enough. It appears that I am still perceived as a person who always takes her place on the pedestal of morality and by my very existence makes other people feel badly about themselves. I was under the impression that on several hundred occasions (at least within the last few years) I had been able to store my values in a closet in order to entirely accept the values of another person. That's what I've been taught to do, both formally and informally through my education and experience. I thought I had been making great progress. I guess not. I'm not going to lie...it's the hardest thing in the world for me to take myself out of the context of my own values so that I can help someone else to feel genuine love and acceptance. And my feelings reflect it. My values are at the core of my being, and to separate myself from that sometimes really makes me question whether or not I am making the right decision. I feel targeted and unappreciated for trying so hard to do the right things. And if all I'm going to do is make people feel awful, why do I even try? Maybe I should just carry around my ideals in a little Ziploc baggie so that no one will know...and I can pull them out in secret when I need them. I should know by now that feeling like I cannot share my values is the price I pay for loving people too much. And I know that there are worse crimes in this world. I guess I'll just have to keep trying.

( 11:01 AM ) Meghan

Thanks to Catherine for her reply to my feminist rant! Intellectual and thoughtful with many good points. I would agree to hypothesize that sexism is inversely proportional to socio-economic status, and I would also agree that we do continue to live in a male-dominated society. Which of course, no one can deny unless they live under a pile of rocks. It was my unfortunate realization yesterday that part of the reason professions such as teachers, health care workers (with the exception of doctors), and social workers receive such poor pay is because those jobs are disproportionately filled by women. Look at me, I'm being oppressed by the corporate megastructure. Sigh. It's about time, I thought I'd been lucky enough to slip through the cracks for a minute there. Regardless, I suppose much of it is an issue of means to an end. Using the term "feminist" would be like a weight tipping the scales back into balance, whereas "equalist" is like a boost from the bottom up. It just depends on which set of tactics is more appropriate for your purposes of advocacy. I do not doubt that we need both.

I'd also like to add that my improving society through social work is thoroughly integrated with the concept of feminism. Social work actually has a theory known as the feminist model which strives to be more holistic, nurturing, and focused on changing one's environment than many other models. Aside from that one example, I will be working to ensure justice and fair treatment for my client base, hopefully working to challenge their subtle (or not so subtle) sexist mindsets. So you might as well say that come May, I'll have graduated with a BFSW--Bachelor of Feminist Social Work. Although I'd still prefer it to say "Equalist."

( 10:36 AM ) Meghan

This is decidedly the worst semester in history. And when the hell did I get so pathetic?

( 3:34 PM ) Meghan

And happy 54th birthday to my daddy :)

( 12:54 PM ) Meghan

Meghan's mini-rant of the week. Fortunately for my audience, not based on whiny emotional turmoil. This time.

I have definitively decided that I am not a feminist. Now before you all tell me to go fuck myself and to run for the bigoted hills, I thought I would take this opportunity to justify my decision. The ultimate goals of feminism are to level the playing field between majority and minority cultures and to challenge the thinking of the status quo that we might all work in more cooperative mindsets. With these goals in mind, I reject the term "feminist" because it is inherently sexist. Simply by employing this name it undermines these credible and possible goals. In addition, feminism has been acquiring a negative reputation over the past several years. Although that is due to the extremists, I choose to disassociate completely from the name so that my views will be understood more seriously without assumptions and stereotypes immediately leaping to the minds of those I am attempting to educate. I choose instead to utilize the term "equalist." If feminists truly believe that men and women are equal (while simultaneously respecting their differences) and if we are honestly working toward androgynous gender roles, then feminists are equalists--people working for equality. Today in class, we discussed the power of names, and they are powerful indeed. I intend to use this power to my advantage.

( 12:52 PM ) Meghan

I'd like to thank my esteemed social work colleagues Mary and Melissa for finally determining what's wrong with me. Apparently, I have Manic Senioritis. It is my professional opinion that such an incredible discovery calls for an update to the DSM IV.

( 8:03 PM ) Meghan

I took her out it was Friday night
I wore cologne to get the feeling right
We started making out and she took off my pants
But then I turned on the TV
And that's about the time that she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
And are still more amused by TV shows
What the hell is ADD?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

Then later on, on the drive home
I called her mom from a pay phone
I said I was the cops
And your husband's in jail
This state looks down on sodomy
And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me
Nobody likes you when your 23
And are still more amused by prank phone calls
What the hell is caller ID?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

And that's about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when your 23
And you still act like you're in Freshman year
What the hell is wrong with me?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

That's about the time she broke up with me
No one should take themselves so seriously
With many years ahead to fall in line
Why would you wish that on me?
I never want to act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

-Blink 182, What's My Age Again?

( 7:04 PM ) Meghan

A lousy week met in a head-on collision with a wonderful weekend, so all is well for now. The 1817 B dinner party was a success, and now I'm certain that my ability to cook wasn't just a one-time fluke. Even though I was coerced into using green olives instead of black olives, things weren't totally ruined :) I'm sure there will be more fine dining events to follow...of course just to ensure that I didn't get lucky twice. I want to especially thank Jason for driving me to the store, Justin for helping to make dinner and do dishes, Catherine and Justinne for keeping me sane, and Rob for offering to help. And all of you for eating without too much regurgitation :)

( 7:15 PM ) Meghan

As I was delayed on blogging Halloween greetings, I'd like to wish everyone a very merry All Saints Day :)

The holy eve was a good time...went to Finnigan's Bar in downtown Harrisonburg where I successfully put away three hard mixed drinks in short order with barely a buzz. I should probably be trying to improve my body's endurance in parts other than my liver, but it's a gradual process, right?

Although we had a nice time, I still managed to bitch out one of my roommates at the end of the night. Despite I think it was justified, I shouldn't have approached the situation that way. There go those social work skills gravitating like meteors toward the back burner again. Sigh. Lately, I just can't seem to deal with apartment life. Things have been getting strange and I've been very upset by it...I hate to see people getting hurt or making what I know they believe to be unwise decisions. And although I've been told that I've been helpful and supportive in some aspects of our issues, others I just can't seem to work through in a mature manner. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm not allowed to regress right now, I have to be strong. I need to be next semester anyway, and I'm afraid that all this may foreshadow disaster. Either that, or circumstances are trying to kick my ass into gear early. I'm really hoping for the latter.

I apologize to those of you looking for less depressing entries. Life doesn't suck all that much right now...just enough to require more venting than usual.

Saint John the Apostle, patron saint of friendships, please hear my prayers.

( 12:57 PM ) Meghan

On Her Majesty's Secret Server...