You can make belive it happens,
Or pretend that something's true.
You can wish or hope or contemplate
A thing you'd like to do.
But until you start to do it,
You will never see it through.
'Cause the make-believe pretending
Just won't do it for you.
You've got to do it,
Every little bit.
You've got to do it, do it, do it, do it.
And when you're through,
You can know who did,
For you did it, you did it, you did it.
To help keep the spirit of Mister Rogers alive, I think I'll start my paper now. My welcome is wearing thin in the Neighborhood of Make-believe.
( 4:51 PM ) Meghan
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
One of these days, I'll actually go to work. One skid was enough to make me turn tail and rush slowly and cautiously back home. My supervisor was very understanding. In fact, the best thing about this practicum is my empathetic treatment team. I couldn't imagine a more competent group of professionals with such high morale and emotional IQ. I'll really miss them when I have to transplant again. If only I were equally passionate about the work. Not that I don't enjoy what I do, it just doesn't have the spark I'm seeking--the spark that will make me leave the house in the morning knowing that I'm going out to make a living, not do a job.
These are from This-or-That Tuesday because I'm bored and don't want to do my organizational analysis. It's Wednesday and I combined lists and deleted questions because I'm somewhere in between non-conformist and not giving a rat's ass.
1. Morning or night person?
Born a night owl, gradually adopting a morning person's lifestyle. Very gradually. The snow isn't helping my structure.
2. Flannel sheets or some other kind?
Flannel is nice in winter. I love silk (or fake silk) in the summer so I can turn over without much effort. How lazy can I get?
3. One pillow, or more?
Two. One just can't cut it. I sleep by sandwiching my hands between them.
4. Wrap yourself into blankets like a cocoon, or just cover yourself with them?
Cocoon, all the way. I can't sleep in a made bed.
5. French toast or regular toast?
Mmm...French toast. Or I guess now it's Freedom toast.
6. Juice: orange or grapefruit?
Dole pink grapefruit juice! That and Cheddar Cheese Combos used to be the ISAT Special--the Bachelor's Breakfast of Champions!
7. Plaid or stripes?
Stripes, but only horizontal. As a good Catholic school alumna, I refuse to relive the horrors of plaid.
8. Paperback or hardcover books?
Hardcover is the only way to read. It makes me feel like I'm reading an ancient manuscript from generations past (even though it's probably Harry Potter with a 1999 copyright date).
9. Golden oldies or the newest tunes?
Newest tunes. Working in D-hall to the Harrisonburg oldies station ruined me forever. Some individual oldies I like, but not as a genre.
10. Ice cream: in a cone or a dish?
Nothin' like a big, fat waffle cone!
11. Bath or shower?
Bath. Props to Marilyn Vos Savant (the woman with the highest recorded IQ) who mentioned in her weekly column last Sunday that baths are actually the best method of cleansing since they give us time to soak the dirt and dead skin so that more of it scrubs off. Plus, I think they feel better and they're a far more efficient medium for shaving. If I could have one comfort item back from 1817-B, it would be the bathtub. The side that you laid your back on was at the perfect slant for sliding up and down and preventing cramping in your neck. Mmm...slanty.
12. Are you outgoing or shy?
Shy. Duh.
13. Answer the phone when it rings, or screen calls?
It annoys the hell out of me when people screen calls. What if it's important or someone's dying or something? Okay, really it's because I can't stand missing a dinner or party invitation, but you never know.
( 11:37 PM ) Meghan
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
After one month of back spasms, I would absolutely kill for a massage. On second thought, homicide will probably just increase the stress level.
Freaking grad school.
( 7:58 PM ) Meghan
Not particularly insightful. Not especially applicable. Just a nice song.
(And I wouldn't mind going to their concert tonight either.)
Does anyone know what love can cost?
To take you so high then leave you lost.
Is it a mystery that runs too deep
For such a simple heart?
Can anyone stop the hands of time
And put back the loving in your eyes?
Though it's his name I hear when you are sleeping
I'll pretend it's mine.
When they ask me how long I'm gonna love you,
If the road to my heart will always stay true,
I'll say forever.
I'll say forever for you.
When they ask will I stand right there beside you,
And they don't see you and me the way that I do,
I'll say forever.
I'll say forever for you.
A rose is rose by any name,
But a thorn will still cut you just the same.
I'm losing your love I know so sad the feeling.
I can tell somebody's stealing,
Stealin' away your heart.
When they ask me how long I'm gonna love you,
If the road to my heart will always stay true,
I'll say forever.
I'll say forever for you.
When they ask will I stand right there beside you,
And they don't see you and me the way that I do,
I'll say forever.
I'll say forever for you.
I don't know if I should tell you
How you live in my heart.
There's no room for another.
If you leave me now,
My heart would not recover...
When they ask me how long I'm gonna love you,
If the road to my heart will always stay true,
I'll say forever.
I'll say forever for you.
When they ask will I stand right there beside you,
And they don't see you and me the way that I do,
I'll say forever.
I'll say forever for you.
--Hall & Oates, Forever For You ( 1:29 PM ) Meghan
Monday, February 24, 2003
I might have put off posting awhile longer, but I can't tolerate these McDonald's adaptations sitting at the top of my blog anymore. It's wreaking psychological havoc on my digestive system. Oh well, it could have been worse. I could have mentioned the McSalad Shaker.
So where was I? Oh yes, my date from Friday. Nice guy--more coherent than he was online, but that's not saying much. On the down and down, I felt taller than him (even though I'm not), there were awkward silences abound (mostly my fault), and I became so interested in fidgeting with my Starbucks cup that I accidentally sprayed him with the dregs of my Chai Tea. And after all that, he wants to go out with me again. Sigh. Can't I do anything wrong?
(Don't worry...it would never work out. He wants me to go to poetry readings. BAD poetry readings if they're any reflection of the achy-breaky garbage that he sent me last week.)
Though I digress. There are more important things to discuss than my doomed love life. The big announcement is that SB 1011 is officially dead. While I decline to make public the specific reasons I have been given on its failure, I will say this. There were advocates on the side of injustice and the right people didn't give their all. The good news is that because I went straight to the General Assembly on Friday looking for answers, I may have an ally that could help me resurrect this legislation. Children will only be protected if their voices are in it for the long haul. And here I am. With God and my readership as witness.
In a final note, my Crisis Intervention group chose child pornography as our research topic. No comment. Whatever I say next is guaranteed to sound wrong.
( 11:11 PM ) Meghan
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Paper finished! And...I have a date. Sort of.
Whoever would've guessed?
Courtesy of The Concord Monitor, we feature my favorites of McDonald's cultural outreach efforts:
*Philippines - The McSpaghetti. Pasta in a red sauce with frankfurter bits. (I hope they give you more than a spork to get this down.)
*Uruguay - The McHuevo. A hamburger with mayonnaise and a poached egg. (I guess that sounded better than "El Huevo McMuffin.")
*Egypt - The McFalafel. Deep-fried patties of ground beans flavored with spices. (Whose initial advertising campaign unwittingly featured a revamped performance of the song "I Hate Israel" by Sha’ban Abdel Rahim and was yanked faster than you can say "Super Size It." Whoops. Check out Rahim's genius comment on the situation.)
But first prize goes to:
*Greece - The Greek Mac. Pita bread sandwich with two beef patties based on a Greek recipe and some yogurt sauce. (I assume by "Greek recipe" they mean the gyro. Mmm...gyro.)
( 8:45 PM ) Meghan
Monday, February 17, 2003
So instead of being the wise, industrious ant and spending my day working straight through on papers, I followed the example of the lazy-ass, trend whore of a grasshopper by writing a couple of paragraphs and watching the finale of "Joe Millionare." Which turned out surprisingly nice...Evan chose Zora, the small-town sweetheart who teaches school and helps the elderly on the side (the other option was Sara, the "I don't give a shit what anybody thinks" star of bondage porn videos). As a reward for Evan's heart-felt and honest choice, Fox made the new couple true millionares.
So it's possible. Maybe their fairy tale really will come true. In the meantime, I would settle for a date.
Or finishing my paper.
( 10:57 PM ) Meghan
Saturday, February 15, 2003
Confession Time! Because I'd rather do this than write my stupid paper and I feel too guilty playing FreeCell. For about the last two months, I've been sleeping with stuffed animals. Now, any of you who have ever lived with me know that this is nothing new and that I've always maintained quite the menagerie amidst my bedding arrangements. But it's been different lately. Not every night, but most nights I feel incomplete if I'm not curled around an old friend--usually Schwarzie, my German Shepherd (named for General Norman Schwarzkopf of Operation Desert Storm fame) and sometimes Woofie, the dog that Andrew gave me when 1817-B was where I dreamt.
So what does this mean?
Who the hell knows. It could mean that I've been more insecure recently than in the past. In a practicum where I have more responsibility and more pressure to succeed, I wouldn't be surprised if the stress of focusing on my flaws has been getting to me. Another likely cause is that I've regressed some since having left college and moved back in with my parents, although I never felt like I needed to sleep with stuffed animals when I was younger. Perhaps I'm just looking for comfort in the familiar...Schwarzie was the only face I knew at JMU until I made other friends, after all. Or maybe it's just been too long since I've been curled up with someone I love.
All right, enough swimming around in my psyche. I have work to do. And only a mere week before I have to return those movies to Blockbuster.
( 10:40 PM ) Meghan
Feel fortunate that I've spared you all the traditional Valentine's Day whining. "Oh, how sad! I'm alone and have no one to bestow on me lots of pink, floofy crap!" I came. I saw. I turned in my practicum application (pray for mediation!) There were hugs and cake and "When Harry Met Sally." And I didn't get shot in the ass with any life-mucking arrows. All in all...a successful day.
Besides, I've had plenty of other days' worth of absorbing hurt.
( 5:57 PM ) Meghan
Thursday, February 13, 2003
I never believed it could happen to me.
Something like this only happens to dumb girls,
Taking themselves too seriously.
I was so damn smart,
I was the one girl
Who never believed it could happen to me.
Something like this only happens to somebody else.
I miss you so much,
Can't stand it.
You bring out the blonde in me
'Cause I'm still hanging on
Even though you done me wrong.
And I got the heart to forgive this
But I'd never let you know.
What kind of girl would put herself
In that postition?
Yeah,
To think that I could ever fight the system.
And I got fooled again.
Lucy Woodward, Dumb Girls ( 11:33 PM ) Meghan
Monday, February 10, 2003
Belated New Year's resolution: Never let my brother manipulate me into anything ever again.
Not that I didn't have a good time at Tech, as always. Hugh Grant movies, ice cream, unbridled loopiness...ahh. But 11 hours of driving in two days while trying not to hack up a lung onto the dashboard was a hefty price to pay. When am I ever going to learn how to be responsible?
I had alot more to talk about...but I don't really want to get into it right now. My concentration field application is calling and I still haven't chosen a placement. And although I slept for most of the day, bed is where I want to spend the next year.
I leave you with this thought on the wonderful intimacy of friendship:
"Come on, I've known you for what, eight years? We practically share DNA by now."
( 11:09 PM ) Meghan
Friday, February 07, 2003
All right, faithful citizens. I'm laying out the latest. HB 2372 was defeated in favor of SB 1011, which says exactly the same thing--that religious leaders should be responsible for reporting child abuse and neglect. This week, the bill (passed by the Senate 38-Y 1-N) has been referred to the Courts of Justice House Committee. If passed here, it will go on to vote in the House and then to Governor Warner's pen for finalization.
So here's where I need your help. Here are the members of the CoJ Committee by e-mail address. If you could find time to send along a quick e-mail, it would be terrific. I know that some of you have already voiced your support of such a new law, and for that I give endless thanks. But as the Assembly is not static, nor in a vacuum unto itself, our voices are still needed. An advocator's work is never done.
This is a copy of the e-mail that I sent along. You may use it for reference, copy, or inspiration. But saying "I support SB 1011!" is enough.
Dear Honorable Delegates of the Courts of Justice Committee:
Hopefully this week, you will encounter on your agenda SB 1011 for review. This bill will mandate priests, ministers, rabbis and other religious leaders to report child abuse and neglect.
Until now, 24 states including Virginia have not named clerics in the law as professionals mandated to report child abuse or neglect. With no state requirement to report abuse, our religious leaders have no organization to which they can be held accountable.
This omission was one piece of the problem in the Boston Diocese. Subsequent to the uncovering of the events in Boston, all religious leaders have been mandated to report in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
Priests, ministers and rabbis, as human service professionals, are as likely to encounter abused and neglected children as those already mandated to report, such as counselors, child care providers and school administrators.
Many religious clerics fulfill all these roles at one time or another in their ministry. Mandating them to report may not only help prevent further abuse and get children necessary treatment, but it may also greatly simplify a minister's difficult decision to report because, finally, his boundaries of liability will be made clear.
Please vote in support of SB 1011 so that our children will have thousands more allies in safety and our religious leaders will be sure of their obligations.
Thank you for all that you do and the lengths that you go to protect your constituents. ( 11:37 PM ) Meghan
Thursday, February 06, 2003
On the other side of a coin there's a face.
There's a memory somewhere that I can't erase,
And there's a place that I'll find someday,
But sometimes I feel like it's slippin' away.
Sometimes I feel like something is gone here,
Something is wrong here, I don't belong here.
Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town
And I've lost what I found, it'll all turn around...
--Uncle Kracker, In a Little While
On those days when the shit hits the fan...it splatters. I don't feel qualified to be a social worker, let alone a normal human being. Everyone is telling me it's okay, but something inside isn't quite ready to believe them.
( 11:43 PM ) Meghan
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
I got published! In the very local Burke Times, but I'm trying to implement that whole "Think globally, act locally" thing.
Some mention in The Herald would be nice, though.
( 11:46 PM ) Meghan
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
Competence exuded! I got team-wide compliments for the presentation and lots of great input. I think my analysis was terrific, considering the layers of difficulty with which I'm dealing. Which makes me think the team may have also been complimenting me on bravery. But enough stroking my own ego.
Yes, I agree, that sounded wrong.
But the most fun part of the day was this morning, when I was complimented on my acting skills for portraying a whacked-out, angry client in a role play. I got to swear in class! Good ones, too. Let's hear it for obscene catharsis! F*ck yeah.
( 10:12 PM ) Meghan
I hope the rest of my week goes this well. First case presentation tomorrow. Is there a patron saint of exuding competence?
( 10:33 PM ) Meghan
I just returned from my interview for a summer child care position. It didn't go terribly, but I don't have great feelings about it.
"How would you handle a situation where a child became frustrated with a game, ran over and pushed another child and ran out of the gymnasium?"
"Well, after making sure that all of the other children in the gym were supervised, I would run after the child to ensure that he would not hurt himself or other children. I would empathize with his frustration, but then explain there would be consequences, which would warrant a time-out."
"What if our program doesn't use time-outs?"
What kind of child care program doesn't use time-outs? That seems kind of sketchy to me. I then basically replied that the kid would "make reparations" for his behavior by apologizing and working with the adults on manual labor tasks for awhile in order to separate him from the group for a chance to cool down. I hope they didn't think I was picturing the child on a juvy chain gang along I-66...
Damn, I should have mentioned more about conflict mediation. Damn, I should have talked more about how I relate well to kids because I go above and beyond the call of duty to understand and participate in their interests. Damn, I wish I had been more articulate and less boring and actually had some questions to ask them, but I never do until later.
Damn, I'll be annoyed if my brother gets his position back and I get the pre-emptive axe.
( 11:56 AM ) Meghan
Sunday, February 02, 2003
I have never thought very highly of my emotional capacity. Over my assessment of 23 years, I conclude that I was born an entirely self-centered being, but gradually had emotions and concern for others trained into me. I shiver to imagine what I would be like if it weren't for an upbringing inundated with examples of love and Good Samaritan philosophy. I always feel as though my good deeds are riddled with ulterior motives. Sometimes, I almost wish there were no heaven to strive for, so that I would know that doing good would be for the sake of good, the sake of others. And totally unrelated to me.
I've thought about this for a long time...I suppose the impetus for writing it came from the explosion of Columbia. The announcement is what I woke up to on Saturday morning. Instantly (as no doubt happened to many others) my mind retreated to the Challenger. I remember it. I remember the news flooded with reports, updates, and how everyone in America was dealing with it, including pre-pubescent TV sensation, Punky Brewster. And I remember not caring all that much. Sure, I knew intellectually it was a bad thing and I felt sad that people had died. But I was tired of the news coverage and couldn't fully understand why it was such a big deal. But I didn't cry. I wasn't traumatized. I didn't feel a need to talk about it like the boy in my second-grade carpool. How ironic that my chapter of NHS in high school was the Challenger Chapter, named for the astronauts and their bravery. I was inducted as a student of honor, but what honor did I ever have in feeling so indifferent to a loss of life?
I usually only become sad when an upset concerns me directly--thus, I'm really sensitive to criticism and rejection, or the sadness of my friends and family because they are so important to me. Perhaps that's why I feel prepared and long to take the pain of others...what pain life offers me to take is not enough. Reframed, that really could be a strength. I suppose if we were all moved by everything, there would be no time to lead our own lives. But something still doesn't sit right with me.
And here I went, rambling on about myself when there are souls and families that I should be praying for. Case in point.
( 10:53 PM ) Meghan
