*Kenny Chesney earning both "Album of the Year" and "Entertainer of the Year." It was priceless seeing this carefree Caribbean sand puppy all choked with honor.
*Rascal Flatts receiving their second "Vocal Group of the Year." If they won solely on the basis of "Bless the Broken Road," I would unquestioningly accept it.
*Brad Paisley, thanking local radio stations for taking "a chance on a double-suicide drinking song."
Toby Keith didn't take home anything this year. Which is a shame since he's worked his tail off, making conservatism sound cool. Last year, he missed out because of Johnny Cash's passing, and apparently freshly deceased legends take priority. I was also distressed that Tim McGraw took home "Song of the Year." I don't understand the attraction to Tim McGraw...he has only two songs that I can listen to without cringing. The others are racist or simply annoying because the only way he knows how to end a chorus is by repeating the same line ad nauseum. I should probably be fair and listen to his albums in their entirety, but what's my motivation?
I should add that Mike rules for letting me come over and make annoying commentary for three hours, e.g., "I would marry Kenny Chesney" and "Damn it, Brad is so hot, why didn't I meet him at Wal-Mart when I had the chance?!"
Yesterday was also noteworthy because after two years, I finally scored tickets to Conan O'Brien. Which means I can move on to Step Two: Coordinating efforts to see the show. And possibly making detailed banners exclaiming, "I Love You, Con-sie!" but I will first contact NBC concerning banner policies. No use in a labor of love for naught.
Of course, I've left the headlining gossip for last, for only you few dedicated readers to discover. Thanks in no small part to Ed and Duffy, I have a date this weekend. A real, authentic, we-both-know-that-it's-a-date-although-it's-unspoken, date. Or it could just be Thai food with a boy.
I post this at the risk of pissing off the majority of my readership with something positive about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. But in truth, I received the link today from someone very important. Someone, technically, I shouldn't even be speaking with at the moment.
When I was digging through boxes for scrapbook materials, I found an old e-mail from him. I printed it out ages ago...on one of the lab computers in the library, if I remember correctly. The graying ink is faded on the cheap, eggshell paper and there are still bits of paper along the sides from when I stripped it off the dot matrix. He talks about homework, football, and new love, then follows up with a cheesy poem that more than likely captured our infatuated state at the time.
But what I notice the most is that it's dated September 11, 1996. His parents' anniversary and five years from the day that he said he really needed me...and I wasn't there.
Stored right underneath it was the first gift he ever gave me. That was the strongest shoelace I've ever worn.
( 9:43 PM ) Meghan
Monday, November 01, 2004
And he'll do it all for peanuts...
That fateful November Eve has come around once again and what have we to show? Two hot shots that can't tell right from left and a smattering of thirds that like seeing their names in red-white-and-blue. Now some may feel differently, but I'm up to my voting lever in disgust. So why not one more option? And thus, I submit to you my official endorsement for a new and better write-in:
SNOOPY FOR PRESIDENT!
Snoopy isn't running on a platform of positions, but on genuine change. With this top dog in office, there will always be enough to go around. Cookies in every jar and root beer in every glass! And prescription drugs for seniors will no longer be an issue because in Snoopy's charge, you can age 50 years and still not feel a day over 9.
Of course we have to keep in mind his military record as the Commander-in-Chief. Snoopy is a decorated hero from his extensive service as a World War I Flying Ace, made most memorable through his defeat of the Red Baron. The mind of the enemy holds no secrets from him. He knows strategy, can smell evil, and is ever-loyal to his troops.
Even debates won't be necessary with Snoopy's election. Pro-choice? Pro-life? A thing of the past! Snoopy's inspiration will have every citizen gathering the nerve and asking out that red-headed cutie down the block. And bliss will follow, for with true love, every pregnancy will be wanted.
Now babies make us think marriage and what about gay marriage? Snoopy loves us all equally, no matter which way our states swing! Marcie and Peppermint Patty have given personal testimony to his unwavering support through some tough times of acceptance and confusion. They know, and you should too, that Snoopy will be the one to pass the fair decision.
Never one to throw a bone to his radical constituents, Snoopy will always act on what is best for his whole country. And keeping us united will be Chief of Staff Linus Van Pelt. At The Prez's right paw, he will always be there to remind us of the true meaning of being an American.
Solid leadership, competent staff, and helping us hold on to our dreams. Who better to help us live history?
The time had come to elect a president.
And all the famous candidates thought they were heaven-sent.
They screamed and raved and pounded their hands upon their hearts,
But soon their noble promises were hard to tell apart.
Waiting at the pumpkin patch, a dog sincere and brave.
And everybody hoped that soon the country he would save.
The pumpkin said “The day has come for you to take a stand.
For love has left the people across our native land.”
Some wear the sign of the Elephant,
And some wear the sign of the Mule.
But we'll hold the sign of the Beagle high
And love will shine right through.
--The Royal Guardsmen, Snoopy for President ( 9:55 PM ) Meghan
